Same Frequency

The people who get it. And the ones who don't.

I’m getting more and more frustrated with how people act these days.

Less respect. Less courtesy. More people doing the bare minimum and dressing it up as good enough. It’s everywhere. In business, in everyday life. And honestly, it’s exhausting.

I’ve been sitting with that frustration for a while, trying to work out what’s underneath it. I keep coming back to the same thing.

Values. Not the stated kind. The lived kind.

Some people energise you. Some drain you. Some conversations leave you thinking more clearly. Others leave you feeling slightly, ahem, grubby. The difference, almost every time, comes down to whether something fundamental is aligned. Whether you’re on the same frequency or not.

I have three values: Aim High. Act with Integrity. Make it Special. I didn’t pull them from a list. They emerged gradually - shaped by years of coaching, producing events, building communities, and generally going about my business. At some point I realised they were just there. The things I couldn’t compromise on without feeling it. Disrupted. Conflicted. Not quite at ease with myself.

That feeling is information. My values talking. Telling me I’ve wandered and it’s time to find my way back.

They’re also how I read people.

The ones I gravitate towards are easy to spot, even if they’re hard to describe. They do what they say they’ll do. They’re honest about what they don’t know. They’re genuinely interested in other people: no performance, no agenda. When something goes wrong they look inward first. When something goes right they share the credit. They make things better just by being in the room.

I’ll go a long way for people like that. Those are my people.

And then there’s the other kind.

The ones who talk about integrity but only practise it when it suits them. Who say the right things but do something different when nobody’s watching. Who do just enough and seem perfectly content with that.

It grates. So does the person who mistakes confidence for competence. Who reframes every situation until they emerge from it looking reasonable, regardless of what actually happened.

And I find it hard to connect with people who’ve made peace with mediocrity. Who never push limits, never challenge convention, never reach for anything that might not come off. That takes courage - the reaching. Life is too short to settle for good enough.

Because who you spend time with shapes who you become. That’s not a motivational poster. It’s just true. The people around you set a standard, consciously or not. Their habits rub off. Their attitude quietly shapes your own.

So I’ve got more deliberate about it. About who I let close. About where I put my time and energy. About who I want in my corner when things get hard.

Values aren’t just personal. They’re a filter. A reason to move towards some people and away from others. Energy is finite. The people you choose to be around matter more than most things.

So ask yourself what you actually stand for. Not what sounds good - what you’d stand by when it’s uncomfortable. Those are your values. Your compass. And once you know them, you’ll start to see very clearly who’s on your frequency and who isn’t.

Find your people. Hold onto them. Move on from the rest.

That’s not cynicism. That’s clarity.